The Wisdom of Marriage

“If not for marriage, one of two affairs would become inevitable. Humanity would either go extinct or be the product of immoral acts, their lineage unknown and lacking morals.“

Shaykh Muhammad bin Saalih al-‘Uthaymīn رحمه الله

Translator’s Introduction

All praises are for Allah; we praise Him, seek His aid, and seek His forgiveness. We seek refuge in Allah from the evils of our souls and the evils of our actions. Whomsoever Allah guides cannot be misguided, and whomsoever Allah misguides cannot be guided. I bear witness that no one has a right to be worshipped except Allah, alone and without partners, and I bear witness that Muhammad is the slave and Messenger of Allah.

Below is a short but beneficial article by the esteemed scholar Shaykh Muhammad bin Salih al-‘Uthaymīn رحمه الله regarding Islāmic marriage and the underlying wisdom upon which Allah سبحانه و تعالى has legislated this relationship. I found it simple and beneficial and decided to translate it for the western English-speaking Muslim audience.

It is important to define and consider marriage, and all other affairs for that matter, in light of Islāmic texts and scripture. Regretfully, this is not the case with many Muslims in the modern age. Our thoughts are increasingly shaped by what we see on social media and in non-Muslim societies. This is caused, at least partially, by the fact that we are surrounded by these ideas in our everyday lives to the extent that they can be difficult to ignore. They regularly appear in our social media feeds and are visible in society as a whole. We have been fed an idea of never-ending unrelenting unrealistic love and infatuation between spouses as the foundation of a strong marriage. We buy into this idea wholeheartedly and are then understandably disappointed when our spouse does not live up to this unrealistic idea.

We forget that marriage, like all other Islāmic institutions, relationships, and actions are a means of fulfilling the purpose of our existence.

وَما خَلَقتُ الجِنَّ وَالإِنسَ إِلّا لِيَعبُدونِ ۝
I did not create jinn-kind or mankind except that they should worship me.
[Surah Ad-Dhaariyaat, Aayah 56]

Allah is al-Hakīm.

Shaykh al-‘Uthaymīn رحمه الله says

Before we enter this topic’s particulars, we must recognize that every aspect of the Sharī’ah has an underlying wisdom. [These rulings] are precisely as they should be. None of them are pointless or useless as they have been legislated by the One who is al-Hakīm (All-Wise) and al-Khabīr (Well-Acquainted with all things). Still, the question remains, “Is this underlying wisdom known to all of us?”

Man is limited in his knowledge and intellect. He can’t know or be made to understand all things. Allah سبحانه و تعالى says:

وَما أوتيتُم مِنَ العِلمِ إِلّا قَليلًا ۝
And of knowledge, you (mankind) have been given only a little.
[Surah al-Isrā: 85]

For this reason, we must be pleased with what Allah سبحانه و تعالى has legislated for His slaves, regardless of whether we know the wisdom behind them or not. This is because not comprehending the underlying wisdom does not mean that wisdom does not exist within them. Rather, [our lack of knowledge] means that our intelligence and understanding are deficient and incapable of comprehending the wisdom behind them.

Translator’s Notes:

Allah سبحانه و تعالى says:

وَلَقَد خَلَقنَا الإِنسانَ وَنَعلَمُ ما تُوَسوِسُ بِهِ نَفسُهُ ۖ وَنَحنُ أَقرَبُ إِلَيهِ مِن حَبلِ الوَريدِ ۝
And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and we are closer to him than his jugular vein.
[Surah Qāf: 16]

Allah سبحانه و تعالى is well-acquainted with His creation. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He knows what will harm us in our religion and worldly lives as well as what will benefit us.

وَعَسىٰ أَن تَكرَهوا شَيئًا وَهُوَ خَيرٌ لَكُم ۖ

وَعَسىٰ أَن تُحِبّوا شَيئًا وَهُوَ شَرٌّ لَكُم ۗ وَاللهُ يَعلَمُ وَأَنتُم لا تَعلَمونَ۝
Perhaps you dislike something which is good for you and like something which is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not know.
[Surah al-Baqarah: 216]

Allah سبحانه و تعالى orders us to live with our wives in an honorable fashion, even if we see from them characteristics that we dislike:

وَعاشِروهُنَّ بِالمَعروفِ ۚ فَإِن كَرِهتُموهُنَّ فَعَسىٰ أَن تَكرَهوا شَيئًا وَيَجعَلَ اللَّهُ فيهِ خَيرًا كَثيرًا ۝
And live with them honorably. If you dislike them, perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah brings through it a great deal of good.
Surat an-Nisā: 19

Allah سبحانه و تعالى explains the wisdom behind this commandment. Even though you may dislike some of your spouse’s characteristics, Allah may bring great blessings in your life through them. Perhaps they will bear righteous offspring for you, which is undoubtedly from the most significant beneficial fruits of marriage. Perhaps, Allah سبحانه و تعالى will change those disliked characteristics to characteristics that you are pleased with. Regardless of what those benefits are, recognizing Allah’s all-encompassing knowledge and wisdom should entice us to be patient with our spouses.

The Wisdom of Marriage

Shaykh al-‘Uthaymīn رحمه الله says:

Firstly, [marriage] safeguards and protects each spouse’s chastity. The Prophet صَلّى اللهُ عليهِ وسلّم said:

يَا مَعْشَرَ الشَّبَاب، مَنِ اسْتَطَاعَ مِنْكُمْ البَاءَةَ فَلْيَتَزَوَّج، فَإِنَّهُ أَغَضُّ لِلْبَصَرِ، وَأَحْصَنُ لِلْفَرْج

“O Young men, whomsoever can afford it, should get married, for it aids in lowering your gaze and protects you from immorality.”

[al-Bukhāri and Muslim]

Secondly, it protects society from evil traits and the collapse of morals. If it were not for marriage, vices would become widespread between men and women.

Thirdly, it allows spouses to enjoy what they are owed [in the relationship] from rights and companionship. So, the man is responsible for the care of the woman; he maintains her expenses such as food, drink, residence, and clothing in a reasonable manner. The Prophet صَلّى اللهُ عليهِ وسلّم said:

وَلَهُنَّ عَلَيْكُمْ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوف.

“And their right upon you is to provide them sustenance and clothing reasonably.”

[al-Bukhāri and Muslim]

The woman is also responsible for the man in that she must maintain the responsibilities he has placed upon her such as caring for the home and correcting its environment. Prophet صَلّى اللهُ عليهِ وسلّم said:

الْمَرْأَةُ رَاعِيَّةٌ فِي بَيْتِ زَوْجِهَا، ومَسْؤُولَةٌ عَنْ رَعِيَّتِهَا.

“The woman is a guardian in her husband’s home and is responsible for those under her care.”

[al-Bukhāri and Muslim]

Translator’s Note:

Allah سبحانه و تعالى has created us so that we are in need of each other. The wife needs her husband to maintain her expenses such as food, drink, and residence. The husband needs his wife to educate his children and maintain an upright environment in his home. We need each other. Do not be deceived by the Shaytān and what we see in society. A man’s honor lies in maintaining his wife and children and a woman’s honor lies in maintaining an upright environment within the home. This is the foundation of a strong family; fortified on the outside by the husband and maintained on the inside by the wife.

Shaykh al-‘Uthaymīn رحمه الله says:

Fourthly, it fortifies relationships between families and tribes. How often are two families distant from each other with no acquaintance between them? Through marriage, the two become close and united. For this reason, Allah سبحانه و تعالى made the in-laws a partner to blood relatives.

Translator’s Note:

This is an important point and one often forgotten or ignored. Strong marriages build unity amongst us. They bring families and tribes closer together. They create new relationships where none existed previously. This is especially important for new Muslims. Strong marriages build a foundation of support for future generations.

Shaykh al-‘Uthaymīn سبحانه و تعالى says:

Fifthly, it preserves humanity in the best possible manner, as it produces offspring. Allah سبحانه و تعالى says:

يا أَيُّهَا النّاسُ اتَّقوا رَبَّكُمُ الَّذي خَلَقَكُم مِن نَفسٍ واحِدَةٍ وَخَلَقَ مِنها زَوجَها وَبَثَّ مِنهُما رِجالًا كَثيرًا وَنِساءً
O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person, and from him He created his wife, and from them both He created many men and women.
[Surah An-Nisaa 1]

If not for marriage, one of two affairs would become inevitable. Humanity would either go extinct or be the product of immoral acts, their lineage unknown and lacking morals.

It is befitting here that I divert slightly [from the topic at hand] to speak of the religious ruling on limiting our offspring. Limiting offspring to a specific number contradicts the legislation of Islām. The Prophet صَلّى اللهُ عليهِ وسلّم commanded us to marry women prolific in bearing children. He explained the reasoning for this command in that his nation will outnumber the other nations.

The scholars of fiqh say it is desirable to marry a woman known for having many children. This can be ascertained from her history if she was previously married and had many children. If she was not previously married, it could be established by her close relatives, such as her mother or sister. What is the reasoning for limiting offspring? Is it the fear of provisions becoming limited? Or is it fear of fatigue in their cultivation? If it is the first, this is having evil thoughts about Allah سبحانه و تعالى. If Allah creates someone, then it is a given that He will also provide for them. Allah سبحانه و تعالى says

وَما مِن دابَّةٍ فِي الأَرضِ إِلّا عَلَى اللَّهِ رِزقُها
And there is no creature upon earth but that upon Allah is its provision.
[Surat Hūd: 6]

And He سبحانه و تعالى says:

وَكَأَيِّن مِن دابَّةٍ لا تَحمِلُ رِزقَهَا اللَّهُ يَرزُقُها وَإِيّاكُم ۚ وَهُوَ السَّميعُ العَليمُ ۝
And so many a moving (living) creature there is, that carries not its own provision! Allah provides for it and you. And He is the All-Hearer, the All-Knower.
[Surah al-‘Ankabūt: 60]

And Allah سبحانه و تعالى states regarding those who kill their children because they fear poverty:

نَحنُ نَرزُقُهُم وَإِيّاكُم
We shall provide for them as well as for you.
[Surah Al-Israa’ 31]

On the other hand, if the drive to limit one’s offspring is a fear of being overburdened by child-rearing, then this is a mistake. How numerous are those that are drained by just a few kids? And how numerous are those that have raised children far greater in number than themselves? Whether raising children will be easy or difficult depends on Allah سبحانه و تعالى. The more devoted the servant is to his Lord and adheres to legislated paths, the greater the ease Allah will facilitate for them. Allah سبحانه و تعالى says:

وَمَن يَتَّقِ اللَّهَ يَجعَل لَهُ مِن أَمرِهِ يُسرًا ۝
And whoever fears Allah, He will make his affair easy for him.
[Surah at-Talāq: 4]

If limiting your offspring to a small number opposes what is legislated, then is family planning in a manner that suits the mother’s condition also disallowed? The answer: There is no issue in family planning in a way that suits the mother’s condition.

What I mean by family planning is that both spouses or one use a contraceptive occasionally; this is allowed as long as both the husband and the wife agree. For example, perhaps the wife is physically weak, and pregnancy will increase her weakness or sickness, and she is easily impregnated, then contraceptives – pills that prevent pregnancy for a certain period -can be used as long as the husband agrees. The companions used to practice coitus interruptus and were not prohibited.

Translator’s Conclusion

Islāmic marriage, when established on Islāmic teachings and ideals, strengthens and supports the husband and wife. It prevents them from immodesty and immorality. This, in turn, safeguards the moral fabric of society. It produces bonds and unity amongst different families and tribes. It produces strong offspring in character and religion, the benefit of which returns to the parents and society generally. It is a prerequisite of creating strong communities.

May Allah سبحانه و تعالى guide us to what is pleasing to Him, and may His peace and blessings be upon the Prophet Muhammad صَلّى اللهُ عليهِ وسلّم.

Source: Majmū Fatāwa wa Rasāil v32 p155

Author: Shaykh Muhammad b. Salih al-‘Uthaymīn رحمه الله

Translated by: Abu Hafsah Kashiff Khan